How fast will this work?

A short, possible theory/answer: It’s not about how fast it works but how sustainable. Are you here for a quick fix? Then this is the wrong place for you. Are you here for the long run, ready to take detours and experience sustainable change? Then we’re on the same wavelength or on the way there. We go for a regularly practised, thereby strengthened and never to be lost point of view.

Recap

In the previous chapter we’ve talked about how spending more time with ourselves leads to more calmness and authenticity. Which enables us to consequently practise showing more and more of that to the outside world. We mentioned old patterns and defence mechanisms that might prevent us from doing so and how dropping them unlocks the power of vulnerability and openness – or vice versa. And finally, what we truly want: to be a more authentic, alive and connected human being.

If you haven’t yet had the chance to read it, make sure to do so before you continue here!

Introduction

Today I’d like to cover the inevitable aspect of effort and the right expectations. You might have noticed that we talk a lot about practising. But we haven’t yet mentioned and talked about how fast or slow this all happens, what we can expect the journey to look like, and how patient we might have to be. And how consistent we need to put the work in to get something out from it as well. But I guess I just took it a bit too far. 

Let’s start with an obvious question, whether you’re doubtful or just curious, namely:

“And by dropping old habits and patterns, and by being vulnerable and open towards myself and others, will this change it all for the better? How fast will it work? And will it work all the time?”

And I think that the short answer is no

But hear me out first. I ask myself these questions repeatedly. When I reflected on this topic and tried to structure my thoughts for the previous chapter, it felt quite messy and unfocused at first. It started out as a quite chaotic collection of bits and pieces that overwhelmed me at times. And it made me question myself. Will I be able to come up with a coherent message in the end?

And after taking a few detours, adjustments and edits, I realised that I was getting closer and closer to the message I actually wanted to get across.

Which is exactly what this episode is about.

So let me say that again. And after taking a few detours, adjustments and edits, I realised that I was getting closer and closer to the message I actually wanted to get across.

In reference to the last chapter, I hope that I gave you something valuable, something you can work with and that contributes to your own journey. I leave it up to you if I succeeded, but I know and feel for myself that I put my heart and soul (and a few hours of work) into it and that at that time it was the best that I could come up with.

So we’re not trying to get somewhere specific and thereby solve it forever

We simply create or wait for impulses to push us forward a tiny bit. Because that’s more than enough. In a similar way that the previous episode could never cover or solve the whole topic of becoming comfortable with ourselves and others, but merely provide an impulse to engage with it and see where that takes us subsequently.

We practise staying with ourselves and take detours. That’s the natural course of things anyway, and accepting that takes the pressure off to sprint immediately to something that simply doesn’t exist: the once-acquired and never-to-be-lost ultimate solution, something that allows us to stay on the same playing field for the rest of .. our lifes?

I’m sorry, but we’re not doing all this work, the practises, the shared reflections and giving and receiving support with like-minded people to only hoist our discreetly lighter selves from one static place to the next one, both happy and tired that we made it once and have somehow now acquired the right to stay there (forever).

We rather go for a regularly practised, thereby strengthened and never to be lost point of view

When you’re into this journey, you’re aware of what it means to be on a journey: being on a path with an ever changing set of circumstances and parameters – including yourself! Because it is you as well who is constantly changing, learning, adapting and processing – for better or for worse.

On a journey, there is no solution for it all. There is no ultimate goal line. But there is the possibility to develop and cultivate the trust in ourselves that we are able to navigate anything that comes our way: detours, setbacks, roadblocks as well as random circumstances, catapult moments, new found companions or the always available simple joys of laughter and exploration that throw us forward. (It is good and important to remind ourselves that not everything is tough love, hard earned and not fun.) 

Our job and main focus is to learn to embrace this concept of the journey. That is the main reason I allowed myself to deem the previous chapter as good enough and just published it. Because as I already said, I poured my heart into it and in the end there was nothing more to be said. For me, it was about opening up and sharing something that wanted to be expressed.)

In a similar way, we’re not solving the issue of silencing ourselves forever, no matter what person or situation we’re dealing with. We rather develop and cultivate skills and our personal safe environments that enable us to stay calm and present, to become aware of automatic patterns kicking in – to notice the moment in which we can actually become proactive, and change the course of things – whether it’s a conversation or situation – by staying focused.

So what is an appropriate mindset then?

It helps me to remind myself occasionally (ok, to be honest, regularly), that there is no shortcut (or easygoing path) from A to B, and, sorry to add that unfortunate truth as well, that there is also not always or necessarily that “fixed B” location in the first place, at least not for too long. Perhaps you are now throwing your hands in the air asking yourself: What then remains reasonably the same and close enough throughout the trip and most resembles the North Star?

I feel you already know the answer: It’s you, yourself committing to the journey and trusting yourself that you will end up where you want to be.

Perhaps I needed that self-assurance the most. Perhaps it is also useful for you, in case you’re at the beginning of your journey, currently struggling with it or simply just got a gentle reminder and impulse to reflect on this perspective.

Because sometimes all we need is a simple tiny impulse that pushes us forward a tiny bit from wherever we are right now.

Thank you for reading.

What might help you to walk this path and get there?

It’s all about having or setting healthy and realistic expectations. As well as the awareness that you’ll drop out of the journey when illusions of quick fixes, doubts and unrealistic time frames create counterproductive stress.

Still here you are, many steps in, not allowing that to happen!

Reminding yourself – or resetting your expectations at this point in time – is crucial because you don’t want to continue with uneasiness, disbelief or the feeling you’re walking up the Kilimanjaro equipped with nothing more than a tiny bit of “Yeah let’s sprint up there!”.

Because now you know that you’re not going for the mountain but the next step. And still the whole journey takes time and requires calmness, patience, recovery and doing nothing as well.

This is an ongoing back and forth in which we can find regularity and relief

People rarely climb a mountain they have never climbed before, especially not as beginners! They go in groups and share not only the experience and success, but also the struggles and mutual encouragement. That’s why you’re more likely to succeed together than alone.

This is the main reason why many practise mindfulness or meditation on their own and still regularly join online meditation groups to share, dialogue and experience community with like-minded people.

If that resonates with you as well, whether you are a beginner or an experienced meditator, you are warmly invited to join our next online meditation!

Here’s a meditation for you right now

Head over to my YouTube channel and see if you find a meditation that feels right for this moment!

short meditation of letting go, awareness of breath

In the meantime, this might also help you learn more about yourself in this regard

Perhaps you can transform the question of “How fast will this work?” into the following ones:

• As it is more about smaller impulses rather than bigger milestones: Where do I stand right now? And what impulses can I give myself to move a bit?
• What other tiny impulses might be necessary for me to .. ?
• Am I here for a quick fix or for the long run?
• Am I ready to embrace the concept of a journey? Am I ready to accept that there is no quick fix, but that it’s work and effort that I need to put in?
• As important as commitment and effort are – can I trust the feeling that all the necessary ingredients, tools and skills are already inside of me, simply waiting to be discovered, developed, appreciated and applied?
• Am I ready to believe that this mindful journey is indeed fun, enjoyable and will do good to my heart and soul?